What a Shame: 'Intelligent, moving and darkly comic' The Sunday Times

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For all of us second-generation migrants who are writing from the fraught perspective of what we owe to our parents, this short story is shattering. The son of Jewish immigrants to the US, Schwartz perfectly captures the burden of shame the immigrant’s child feels of never being able to compensate for their parents’ exile and sacrifice. I could tattoo this short story on my skin.

Jasvinder Sanghera is the founder of the UK charity Karma Nirvana, those goal is to help women (mainly) from ethnic minorities and victims of forced marriages. Working with the police and social services, raising awareness in schools, giving interviews and lectures... She has a vast knowledge of the issue, but not only; she, above all, also experienced it first-hand herself, as she is recounting here in her autobiography. The two aspects of shame I have experienced, the one negative and exiling, the other positive and humbling, are core to the human experience. Shame tears us apart; and shame allows for compassion and contrition. Paul understood this. As do the following writers. I had also never considered "middle eastern" women asian, but with these references I looked into marriage and other practices in China and other countries I considered "Asian". The practices vary but they have more in common than I would have guessed. The idea of a curse was divisive, but the assertion that I had, for some time now, been ‘laden with something dark’ was disconcertingly unanimous.I read about depression, guilt, shame, anger, despair, sadness, rejection, determination and many more emotions. I really wanted to love this book but ultimately... It's okay? There are a lot of books like this - semi-functional sad girl protagonist with some deep seated trauma and a group of good quirky friends - which is a genre I generally vibe with. But this one...it just fell flat. I think possibly trying to do too many things at once, and the shifts in tone and voice and up pretty unsatisfying. But it's not bad! It's possible I might have got more out of it if I hadn't read other versions of This Book that I liked more or felt a greater emotional link to. So I don't want to be too critical, hence the 3 stars.

First of all it pissed me off, the way her parents thought they were better than The English people, they considered white, low class (there words , not mine) but the whites were good enough to let them live there and care for them and this is what is wrong with Europe nowadays. She’s still reeling from the blow of a gut-punch break up and grieving the death of a loved one. But that’s not it. Concerned that she isn't moving on, Mathilda's friends push her towards a series of increasingly unorthodox remedies.This was a sharp and personal debut about Mathilda, who has in many ways lost herself due to grief and heartbreak. It is in a way difficult and easy read at the same time. The subject matter is hard, but it is written in a manner that one wants to laugh and cry along with Mathilda. I really liked how the story switches between the her point of view to her speaking directly to her dad and her previous partner. The plot kept moving while the writing was beautiful on a sentence level. A definite recommend! Affecting, clever and blisteringly humorous... a riveting read about heartbreak, female shame and self-acceptance' - Sarra Manning, Red Magazine I'm not rating this book on its literary merits but on the very important real life story presented by this inspirational author and founder of a charity who has helped women and girls when they had NO ONE else to turn to, including their own families. Jasvinder tells the inspiring, heart-breaking and cruel details of her life and the lives of a plethora of other Asian women living in Britain who have suffered from honour violence and forced marriage. By showing readers the realities faced by some female members of the human race it evokes deep thought provoking feelings and opens ones eyes making it an important book of our time reminding us that cultural acceptance does not mean accepting things which are utterly unacceptable. Shame is Jasvinder's true story, about how she was raised, how her sisters had arranged marriages and how her marriage was also being arranged. She ran away from home and as result got cut off from her family. Fizzes with energy, rage and love, burrowing deep into those experiences that define us at our core'

Intelligent, moving and darkly comic . . . taking us deftly from serious explorations of trauma and consent to riotously funny scenes of modern life’ May cause you to inflate your ego to hide the belief that you don’t have value ( narcissistic personality) I always love a book that focuses on the importance of female friendships, because aren’t they just the best? There really is something so beautiful about the sisterhood us women feel. Would 100% recommend this book (to the right person, maybe not your aunt), can’t wait to read Abigail’s next masterpiece! i have nothing much to say of this book apart from it was just okay. i believe this is bergstrom’s debut so it is completely understandable. it’s a normal reaction to me almost. A 'shame' is indeed what she claimed having become, growing up in a Indo-Pakistani community of Derby, rejected by her family when she was barely 16. Why? Simply because, and unlike her sisters, instead of accepting an arranged marriage by her parents according to strict Sikhs traditions she preferred to run away with her then boyfriend (an 'untouchable'), despite attempts to keep her sequestrated.There’s plenty of plot to sink your teeth into with this book despite my going into it thinking it was going to be reminiscent of Sally Rooney’s novels where not a lot happens. I really enjoyed getting to live within the sisterhood Abi created within this book and felt like a fly on the wall of their bonds. The book stretched from self-pity to solitude and every messy thing that comes between. I’d definitely recommend this book albeit with a couple of trigger warnings (self-harm/abuse/loss), especially to friends with a dry sense of humour like myself. This could so easily be a ‘poor me’ or ‘my crap life’ autobiography but it’s not. It’s much more a tale of survival, hope and determination to make a difference. It’s not about looking for sympathy or punishing those who’ve done her wrong – instead it’s much more about showing that there’s still a lot of honour crime going on in the UK and that just because we’re surrounded with positive images of British Asian life, it doesn’t mean that all of the horrors of the old ways have gone away. It’s also a way for Sanghera to publicise the charity she set up to deal with these crimes. In 21st-century Britain, there are still things being done to women that seem positively medieval. It’s also a tale of how no matter what your parents do to push you away, they’re still your mum and dad and that’s such a fundamental connection that you can’t just leave it behind you. I loved her volunteer work, her learning at every stage. I am happy she met the women she met. I am grateful for their open mindedness, their empathy and non judgement.