Sorry For Your Loss: What working with the dead taught me about life

Product Information

If I could find a way to take away your pain, I would move heaven and earth to do so. That is my greatest wish at this difficult time. SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS is a monument to the work of remembering and a testament to the immutable love of family and the grief that forever changes us. Dina Gachman writes with compassion and honesty, at once heartbreakingly human and mordantly funny. Suffused with tender emotion and unsparing reflection on what it means to lose, how we grieve, and how we survive that grief, So Sorry for Your Loss is a deeply moving book that will never leave you. - -Lauren Hough, NYT bestselling author of LEAVING ISN'T THE HARDEST THING Each time I read through my highlighted passages, I think, “Yes—that’s exactly right.” Maybe because my own mother’s death is still fresh, and Kate put many of my emotions into words. Here are some that I found especially meaningful. Losing a parent is devastating for their children. If you know someone that’s lost their mother or father then let them know you’re thinking of them with these alternative phrases for “sorry for your loss”. LH: Something that comes up often in your book is the fact that we as a society don’t know how to talk about death, despite the fact that it’s one of the few truly universal experiences that all humans have to contend with. Why do you think that is?

However saying that, I’ve just lost my dear dad recently and I wasn’t sure at first that this was a book I’d want to read so soon but I gave it some thought and realised that (for me) it could be quite comforting. My dad died in hospital and I always wondered exactly what happened, in the time between his passing and to when the funeral director took over. I felt very reassured by what Kate Marshall said, regarding the procedures and the physical and emotional wellbeing that is given to patients who have died on a ward.

My favorite part of Judaism is our life cycle events. The bris or kiddush to mark a new birth. The bnei mitzvahs. The weddings. Unfortunately, those celebrations of life come hand in hand with our traditions surrounding death - fast burial followed by seven days of sitting shiva for the mourners and the unveiling of the headstone a year later. Even as a kid, I’d been to my fair share of shivas. It felt strangely grown up to take my dutiful place among the comforters sitting with the mourners and bringing them food. But that's how Judaism rolls. Our kids are full participants. Evie Walman is not obsessed with death. She does think about it a lot, though, but only because her family runs a Jewish funeral home. At twelve, Evie already knows she’s going to be a funeral director when she grows up. So what if the kids at school call her “corpse girl” and say she smells like death? They’re just mean and don’t get how important it is to have someone take care of things when your world is falling apart. Evie loves dusting caskets, polishing pews, and vacuuming the chapel—and on funeral days, she dresses up and hands out tissues and offers her condolences to mourners. She doesn’t normally help her parents with the grieving families directly, until one day when they ask her to help with Oren, a boy who was in a horrific car accident that killed both his parents. Oren refuses to speak and Evie, who is nursing her own private grief, is determined to find a way to help him deal with his loss. Anyone who has felt the loss of a loved one, who knows what it’s like to feel alone in your grief, or who has wanted to help someone else without knowing how can find comfort in this story. Written for middle-grade readers, this book is a reminder that while pain may not go away, it will get easier with time.”— Canadian Children’s Book Centre

I wish I could take away your hurt and I know these words will mean very little. But your child was so loved and my heart goes out to you. I am here for you to lean on, now and forever. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, just reach out. The storyline was incredibly well thought out. The writing was beautiful. We are given a story about death and grief and get to watch it transform into a story about hope and healing. The pacing of a story is a major thing for me, and I have to say this one is paced perfectly. The author manages to somehow slow everything down for a maximum emotional impact, yet keep the story progressing so nothing is overdrawn. You can feel the emotions of the characters as you progressed through the story. Their grief becomes yours; their healing becomes yours. The emotional impact is high. This book is absolutely incredible. I highly recommend it. This book handled death in a very real, very delicate way. It didn’t dumb things down for kids or over explain feelings and circumstances. Oren’s reaction and guilt toward his parent’s death was very well done and a realistic reaction. I enjoyed learning about Jewish funeral traditions; the author did a good job of giving just enough details. Plus, the idea of working in a funeral home reminded me of one of my favorite movies, My Girl. Meet Mr X. Found in his apartment months after his death, Mr X has no relatives that can be traced. He is the longest-serving resident of the mortuary, having been there for almost a year while the search for his elusive family continues. The staff talk to him like an old friend, but Mr X is disintegrating and a decision has to be made soon.

I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. There are no words for a parent losing a child, but I’m here for you. Kate, and all othe While it may not feel that way now, your incredible strength will help guide you through your grief as you mourn the loss of your loved one. I don’t want to be cheesy and say that grief can bring meaning to your life, because I’d rather have my mom and sister any day of the week and have a meaningless life. But through writing the book and talking to so many people and hearing so many stories, I’ve learned that those connections are something that I seek out and that I really appreciate. Hearing another person’s story helps me; I can just meet somebody and immediately be like, “Oh, I get it. My feelings aren’t the same, and our grief isn’t the same, but we get each other.” If I’m going to take anything from [this experience], I think that’s very helpful. I hope others seek that out too.

I know I speak for all who knew your brother/sister when I say they were one of the most incredible people you could hope to meet. Their loss will be devastating to so many Joanne Levy writes of death, grief, and friendship through the eyes of the delightful Evie Walman as she negotiates both the rather small and very big stuff in her life. A heartfelt glimpse into Jewish family and mourning rituals written with empathy and, of course, humor.” — Lisa Brown, bestselling author/illustrator ofThe Phantom TwinandThe Airport Book LH: I also really loved the part of your book about climate grief and these other larger social moments of grief that maybe aren’t always attached to a specific person or a hyper-specific event. For instance, you bring up the AIDS Memorial Quilt, which is about a more all-encompassing state of grieving. Why was it important for you to think big picture about different types of loss?

‘Sorry for Your Loss’ Alternatives for an Acquaintance

So Sorry for Your Lossis a powerful and indispensable book that is unlike any book on grief that I’ve previously found. Gachman shares her own moving story while offering advice that is both clear and forgiving. The world is full of books that tell you what not to say to someone grieving; I love that Gachman stresses that (with only a few exceptions) anything is better than silence. This is a book suffused with humor and grace, and one that I will keep close at hand to help guide me when I need to comfort others—and myself."— Will Schwalbe, New York Times bestselling author of THE END OF YOUR LIFE BOOK CLUB

There were even points in the book when I laughed out loud, the strange things people want that belonged to their loved one. Who on earth would want their dead relatives false teeth, what on earth are they going to do with them. Kate then shares that there will be items like perhaps a handkerchief that still has the perfume/aftershave of the dead person still on it and she has asked relatives if they would like to take it away with them and they have just waved the offer away saying to just throw it away! Then she mentions what I would describe as the one-up-manship behaviour, who loved the person the most etc etc. Death really does seem to bring out the worst in some people! Some of the questions that Kate have been asked Joanne perfectly balances the serious sorrowful scenes perfectly with the happy ones. This book was well researched and educational. I enjoyed learning more about Jewish mourning rituals. Joanne unflinchingly writes with an empathetic and understanding voice. Evie was a character who I really liked. Both her and Oren healed from their grief together and I love that.

Phrases Instead of ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ for Family Members

It is in this setting that Evie strikes up a particular relationship with a survivor of a car accident .. someone her age....Oren Katzman. This is why I think we need to talk more openly about death – not just the practical side of things, what we’ll wear and who will get your earrings – but the emotional side, too. That sounds like a heavy conversation to have but that’s only because we put death in a pushed-away, little box of things that are distasteful to discuss. We don’t want to upset anyone about it, we don’t even want to raise it.”