The Angry Book

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Dreams can be a form of poison. This is true for individuals whose sole angry outlet is dreams and who continually have dreams that are slushladen. Dreams are exceedingly complicated psychological manifestations, and their interpretation is a complex business. Many volumes have been written on the subject, and the last word is far from said. All psychoanalysts agree, however, that a dream can be meaningful only in the terms of the dreamer himself. This means that it is necessary to know the history of the dreamer and the particular and individual meaning of his particular symbols (the words and pictures that appear in his dreams). We must approach any kind of generalization or general symbol-meaning with great care. Every analyst, however, is aware that certain kinds of dreams appear again and again in people with

When I first meet someone new for treatment, I start by saying that discomfort and anxiety are just feelings, like any other feelings. Anxiety, in and of itself, is not “bad”—it can even be very important when it works properly. It can teach us what might not be safe. If I am crossing a busy intersection, I need something that lets me know when I have to act. Discomfort helps us to learn, to decipher what we value, what we want, and what we would like to avoid. Read More Twisting It: The Assorted Poisons 59 earliest childhood) angry feelings toward her mother and sister. As she was able to feel, accept, and express (with a good deal of emotion) these feelings, the thoughts vanished and sleep ensued. This was no simple matter. For this to happen, her attitude toward anger plus her unrealistic angelic image of herself had to be changed, which required much self-examination in all areas and realistic self-acceptance. We both worked hard and the results were very gratifying. No sleep and sleep sleep are two more poisonous, depressed bedfellows. Twisting slush can lead to enormous restlessness, anxiety, a compulsive onslaught of multitudinous thoughts—all impossible conditions for sleeping. Insomnia is very commonly concomitant with depression. It is very difficult to sleep when one is seething with perverted anger. T h e victim is often completely unaware of the anger but complains desperately of agitation that prevents sleep. Some depressed people sleep a great deal of the time. Sleep sleep is largely an attempt to escape the pain of their self-flagellation. I have known chronically depressed patients—unaware that they were attempting to escape life (a heavyhearted, depressed kind of life, as it were) — w h o literally slept two-thirds of the time. Freezing it—removing one's self from what one feels by whatever means and measures, that is, perverting and deadening one's feelings—may well be considered the total measure of emotional pathology or neurosis in a human being.Ross is one of literature's great heroes . . . [with] elements of Darcy, Heathcliff, Rhett Butler and Robin Hood

Hedwig and the Angry Inch have a comparable dramatic existence where, for the players at least, the distinction between the real world and the performed world cannot always be perceived. It takes real commitment to the story, or the song and the spirit of the art to take it on and integrate it into your real life. I don't know if I would recommend such a life style, but I know enough to say that when the play or the story has as much power in the lives of its storytellers are performers as it had over Shakespeare and Hedwig, then the choice is not always optional.

In her various works, Karen Horney has brilliantly described the complicated role of selfhate. Its most important function is to keep its victim striving for impossible and "ideal" goals in quest of neurotic glory. E a c h failure to be gloriously ideal is met with self-hate, which in effect provides the whip to push the victim up the impossible trail again and again. In any case, the slush fund provides ample fuel to turn on oneself in the service of self-hate. Poisonous vehicles in the service of self-hate come in an almost endless variety of forms. Indeed, nearly all the poisons contain some element of selfhate. At this point, however, I want to mention a few miscellaneous poisons I've run into in practice which were obviously self-destructive. I say obviously only because it was obvious to me. More often than not, the patient had no After a discussion with a guy I know whose sister drove the tour bus while Hedwig and the Angry Inch was touring from Winnipeg to Montréal, I've earned some serious respect for Mitchell and Trask. It takes some guts to believe that your story is important and that people would not only benefit from hearing it, but that they need to hear it. This hard, no compromise attitude towards the artistic integrity of the play exists in Hedwig's character and nearly destroys her as she drives away those who care about her most in her maniacal pursuit for recognition and justice. But it goes a bit deeper than that.

Hedwig is an internationally ignored song stylist from East Berlin. Her ex-boyfriend, Tommy Gnosis, has found international stardom as a result of stealing Hedwig's music. Not one to take this injustice lying down, Hedwig is on the road. She shadows Tommy's tour at cheaper venues close by, telling her story and performing her songs. burdening conscience of a parent or parents. Of course there are many conditions, possibilities, and complications. However subtle, perverted anger and all the poisons are always terribly destructive to human relations. In this particular form of "I'm with you" some of the destructive possibilities in the all-important parent-child relationship can be disastrous. I mean the process of writing any poison-pen letter? This is a poison, first, because it is nearly always generated, not by a single event or act, but rather by the whole slush fund. It is only the slush fund that can generate and sustain the pressure necessary to produce the motivation to write these letters. But it is more than that. T h e writer does not really accept his stand and does not stand behind it. He is actually ashamed of it and refuses to affix his name to and to identify with it. And there is an even more destructive aspect here. T h e poison-pen writer has no desire to communicate or to relate. He wants only to hurt and to feel himself the master of his stabbing missive. His goal has nothing to do with the purposes involved in communicating healthy anger. He is not interested in the recipient's feelings, thoughts, or explanations. He is not interested in clearing the air, improving understanding, or bettering relations. If anything, he wants to maintain his hostility (more about hostility versus anger in the next chapter), his own bad feelings, and the bad feelings he hopes to produce in others. The hit-and-runner, though usually not as sadistic in his intent as the poison-penner, functions largely in the same way. He, too, kills off any possibility of meaningful, constructive emotional interchange. He, too, leaves his victim This is a particular kind of poison that at one and the same time is used in a combined attempt to discharge venom, disarm the victim, and manipulate him. The poison manipulators never admit to themselves or anyone else that any of these things are true. They will look upon the recipient of their venom as absolutely crazy if he so much as mentions the possibility that hostility is being directed toward him. A poison manipulator is usually a genius at timing and wording. She or he also usually has the added benefit of years of experience and generally knows the victim extremely well. Very commonly the manipulator is the victim's mother. Her hostile manipulations have been going on as part of a long continuum. L e t me give you a typical example. A young man is about to go with his sweet- tors. Those that finally come into treatment demonstrate a remarkable memory for every seeming injustice committed against them over a lifetime. Most come into treatment when leakage starts taking place after years and years of saving. An inability to continue to deny anger is felt as terrifying indeed and produces enormous anxiety and depression since it threatens to destroy the entire savings account and the martyred image along with it. Some do not suffer an acute or sudden leak. They manage to save up their anger for twenty years and then slowly leak it out for the next twenty years. When this slow, chronic leakage takes place, it nearly always stems from injustices committed (against the martyred saver) in the past. Savers don't dare deal with present events. This might start an avalanche and a complete flood and inundation. Leakage of the past can bring some relief while the martyred, nonangry, sweet image is still maintained. I remember one woman who sweetly talked about wrongs committed by her husband in the past and how "I always took them" but who invariably managed to end the treatment hour convinced of the sweetness of their relationship—now. Of course she never really had let him know how she felt. Consequently there were many false elements to their relationship—little phony acts, and soto get angry, but sometimes you can't, even though the circumstances are identical. It all depends on my mood—which there is no w a y of knowing." " W h y can't you be like me—I never get angry, but when I do, I don't show it. All I do is get cold and sullen and withdraw my attention and affection from you." "If you get angry, I'll know you don't love me." "Nice boys and girls don't get angry—especially at adults." "If you must get angry, at least be polite." "If you get angry, you will not be liked." "If you continue to get angry, you will surely get into great trouble." "Civilized people don't get angry, but if you get angry I'll have to tell Daddy, and he will get angry and will have to punish you when he gets home." Parents in this environment will very often produce what is known as a double-bind situation which goes like this: "Don't hold it in— I can't stand you when you do—let it out! But when you let it out, I will hit you for being disrespectful." This damned-if-you-do, damnedif-you-don't approach promotes severe conflict, much anxiety, great angry problems, and emotional paralysis. Introduction This book is about a basic human emotion— anger. Too often anger is not seen as basic or human. Anger is easily the most maligned and perverted of feelings and responses. Although there is an enormous range of "angry problems," nearly all people have some difficulty handling anger. The price paid for the distortion of a basic emotion is incalculable. Poor mental health, poor physical health, damage to relationships—especially to parent-child relationships—and even that most malignant of human diseases—war—are the wages of distorted anger. Therefore it behooves us to understand and to work through our feelings about anger. As you read, you will see that insight into these feelings can free and make available many other feelings, talents, and potentials. A healthier angry outlook must lead to greater health, to improved parentchild relating, to a fuller life, and to success and happiness. Indeed, it can even be lifesaving. T. I. R. denying. Since she herself uses guilt as a weapon, she is not about to use it on herself. Besides, the idea of hostility would destroy her image of perfect and ever-devoted motherhood. But even in her protest she is still consistently manipulative and hostile and still attempting to engender guilt. "Your mother who only lives for you" is an extremely hostile statement. In effect it says, "I give my life for you, therefore you owe me yours. Nothing you do for me is enough. You are in debt to me and can never pay off that debt. Remember, your own life is not your sole responsibility. You have to worry about mine also." putters. The on-putter in fact is one of the most flagrant destroyers of human relationships. He is dishonestly and inappropriately "nice" at the wrong times, and he is consistently and inappropriately angry nearly all the rest of the time —inevitably putting a great strain on all his relationships, often to the point of utter destruction. I couldn't resist buying the script for the stage version of Hedwig while I was in New York to see how it was different from the Broadway show. It's mostly the same, although it wasn't written for Broadway at the Belasco, so the set is a restaurant (like in the movie or the off-Broadway versions), and there's a cute letter that starts it off advising location changes for when you're performing your own version.