Living with the Dominator

Product Information

I have produced this manual in response to requests from hundreds of practitioners who have asked for a different approach to working with men who use violence against women. I initially wrote the ‘Freedom Programme’ to educate women, girls, men and boys. Then in 2008 I published ‘Living with the Dominator’. I wanted to reach everyone who was unable to attend a Freedom Programme.

I published ‘Living with the Dominator’. I wanted to reach everyone who was unable to attend a Freedom Programme. To anyone who is recovering from domestic abuse and violence, from someone who thought that I was going to stay living in the spoils and with trauma alone for the rest of my life...please, please look for a local group who use the Freedom Programme.

The ‘Rules of the Game’ are the beliefs of The Dominator. This is how he expects women to behave! It is also how he thinks he should be able to behave! The Dominator has hundreds of ‘rules’. Lets look at a few of them: A woman should never be allowed to leave or end a relationship, no matter how abusive or violent it is’ – says he loves us, threatens suicide.

I am Pat Craven a former probation officer who ran perpetrator programmes for Merseyside Probation Service in the UK between 1996 and 1998. I concluded that the programmes could have been much more successful if they were run in a different style and by a different agency which was not subjected to the same constraints as a statutory body. The Dominator uses various and numerous tactics to keep these rules in place. Here I have described some tactics The Dominator may use to keep each of the above ‘rules’ in place: To introduce women to community resources such as Women's Aid, the Police Domestic Violence Unit, The Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre, local Colleges etc.I knew Sharon as a work colleague over ten years ago. At the time, she was supporting vulnerable people, some of them were homeless due to domestic abuse and substance misuse. For me, assisting such people was what anyone in her role would be expect.. Without the support and constant reassurance of Sharon, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am forever grateful to her. She is extremely dedicated and knowledgeable, having her on my side when dealing with someone as persistent.. As it is a rolling programme you can start the programme at any point and can catch up on any missed sessions when they are repeated. I may be unfairly rating this book a 3 star but I think that’s because I was reading this from a slightly different perspective. From an unbiased perspective, this is an incredibly important and useful book and should be read by all women starting from college age so that they can avoid relationships with abusive men. I recognise a lot of characteristics of abusive men in this book that were present in men I have dated in the past- and I found that disturbing. Thank you so much for all the support you have given me. You really have been amazing, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with Child Protection without you. The amount of strength you have given me is totally priceless, even with..

I was fortunate enough to meet and work with Sharon when she was the Advocacy Manager at Woman’s Trust and I was working for Westminster City Council. During this time Sharon developed and managed the Independent Domestic Violence Advocacy Service.. We have recently commissioned the wonderful Offshoot Film Company to animate the entire Freedom Programme. The Programme was primarily designed for women as victims of domestic violence, since research shows that in the vast majority of cases of serious abuse are male on female.The programme, when provided as an intensive two day course, is also suitable for men, whether abusive and wishing to change their attitudes and behaviour or whether victims of same sex domestic abuse themselves. If we look at this cycle, we can see that at no point is The Dominator actually angry or out of control. He is choosing his behaviour and is in total control of what he is doing and saying! I have known Sharon for 6 years and have had the pleasure of working alongside her when I chaired the Westminster MARAC. Sharon is a committed, empathetic supporter of women who are or have experienced domestic abuse. She regularly goes the extra m..