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Tawwab debuts with a comprehensive guide on how to understand and establish interpersonal boundaries….She identifies six types of boundaries—physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material, and time—and dispenses tips on how to uphold personal limits….Readers who follow Tawwab on social media and those who find setting boundaries especially difficult will appreciate the advice.” Setting healthy boundaries is good for your relationships, your business, and your finances. The Book of Boundaries shows you how to stand up for yourself, say no, and communicate your needs in a way that leaves you feeling confident and empowered. Melissa Urban gives you the tools, affirmations, and language you need to reclaim your time, energy, and health.”
The author says though that it’s good to keep your distance and emotional distance if you have been in dysfunctional relationships or abusive relationships. The author says that people put up with a lot to be in a relationship because our need for relationships is one of our biggest needs. Similarly, too strong competitive feelings at work might be unresolved issues from a childhood struggle with a sibling. Did Your Family Make You Feel Guilty? This evidence-based workbook will show you how to set healthy boundaries across all aspects of life—without sacrificing your kindness or compassion for others. You’ll learn to define your boundaries and discover why they’re so important for your emotional and physical well-being. You’ll also find a wealth of tips for maintaining boundaries in a ‘constantly-connected’ world, strategies for what to do when people get upset or threatened by your assertiveness, and ways to make sure your needs are met.Many people talk about boundaries and how important they are. But do they actually know how to practice what they preach? Boundaries are certain rules or values that define who you are as a person. Having strong values prevent you from accepting a low-paying job, getting drunk with your friends to please them, or letting a toxic parent control you or your married life. Do not let anger be a cue for you to do something. People without boundaries respond automatically to the anger of others. They rescue, seek approval, or get angry themselves. There is great power in inactivity. Do not let an out-of-control person be the cue for you to change your course. Just allow him to be angry and decide for yourself what you need to do.” (p.248) Sometimes this happens in codependent relationships, but in introducing the law of responsibility, the author says that people must be responsible for themselves. Through my work as a psychotherapist, it became clear that so many of my clients’ struggles were related to their difficulty setting boundaries—and there was a need for an evidence-based guide to teach these skills. And, so, I wrote this workbook to share the practical skills and strategies for setting boundaries that I’ve successfully used with my clients. The rare book that manages to be practical, thoughtful, readable, and even funny. If you’ve struggled to identify and establish healthy boundaries—with family, in romance, at work, or in life—Melissa Urban shows the way forward with clarity, vulnerability, and humor.”
What can I do when someone wants more of my time, love, energy, or money than I’m comfortable giving? About the Author: Henry Cloud is an American Christian author. He holds a BS in psychology from Southern Methodist University and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Biola University. Boundaries Derive From God’s Nature About the Contributor(s) Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author. In his leadership consulting practice,...For example, if your mother disagrees with your lifestyle, life partner, or career, you won’t try to gain her approval. Instead, you’ll accept her disappointment and move on. Accepting who you are and what you want as an individual with different needs and wants from their family is the key to having healthy relationships. When someone responds w/anger or irritation that I won't just do what they want or I just won't say "yes" to their request or makes a comment along the lines that my boundaries are too rigid, I now respond with "The boundaries I've established are mine, the issues you have with my boundaries are yours. Your issues are not mine to solve & my boundaries aren't yours to establish." To have boundaries, the author says, means to take responsibility for your own transfers (note: “transfer” is a phenomenon in psychology by which the patient projects love or hatred towards an authority figure). On the other hand, if you come from a family of narcissists, not only you weren’t taught boundaries but you were even encouraged to accept abuse from others and believe that it is OK. Well, internal boundaries make you a separate person from your own family. You have your own self that does not depend on your mother or other people’s validation to exist.
I've also learned how to walk away from relationships/friendships with people who don't respect & accept my "no" the first or second time I say it. If I have to say "no" more than once or twice, I won't continue to engage w/the person. If you have to say "no" more than twice, you're dealing with a manipulator. This book is just a bunch of Christian psycho-babble about how to 'say no'. the author drones on and on with example situations about a working mom driving the kids to soccer practice, being asked to volunteer at church, all the while juggling her career with the needs of her jerk of a husband and bratty / whining kids. Really, it's not much more than a book created to give people excuses for making bad choices in the first place. This is a book that every human being alive or dead should be required to read. Christian or Non-Christian alike. Yes, Cloud and Townsend relate the idea of Boundaries to God. However, this idea of boundaries and how we apply them to ourselves and other people is universal. And it blew my mind. I never thought about this idea of boundaries and I have already been working since reading this book on establishing strong, clear, biblical boundaries with myself and others.
I've been taking a class this summer on boundaries, based on the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. According to Wikipedia, "Personal Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits. Personal boundaries define you as an individual. They are statements of what you will or won't do, what you like and don't like...how close someone can get to you." I’ve been recommending Boundaries to friends, team members and radio listeners for more than twenty years. In fact, hardly a day goes by when I don’t use something that I learned from this book. The principles are timeless, and the updates in this version make Boundaries even more relevant to readers and their relationships.” However, this book was written in the early 90's and it shows. Some examples and language are outdated. I know they've put out an updated version (this is just the version I have, so it is what I re-read) so I wonder if some of that has changed in their newer book, but be warned that it does feel like a 30 year old book sometimes. Still very applicable, just a little dated. It also can be a little dry as well, though practical. But if boundaries are something you struggle with, this book could potentially change your life like it did mine. This book could apply to many different troublesome situations. If you're a people pleaser that tends to get stressed out, there are some really helpful things in here. Or if you are liable to be taken advantage of. Look within yourself and wonder why you have such strong reactions. Do they remind you of your mother or father?
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