No Spray, No Lay!: Poetry of the Looky Looky Man

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In near constant support and billed simply as Sweaty Girls, Stacey Scott and Chiara Menozzi have a ball and provide many of the best comic lines – with Hassan feeding them with great timing – as the two regulars who are always on the verge of being barred; know where the naughty substances can be secured; and seem intent on bringing the dance floor into the toilets. Quietly watching your every move, the toilet attendant knows you just hoisted those tights right up to to beneath your boobs. But hey, they aren’t there to judge. The clubbers burst in and slink out. Abigail Nelson as the super-hysterical Crystaal who is certain she is the DJ’s girlfriend and Hannah Lorimer as her bestie Sahara, who is rather more aware. Nelson and Lorimer feed nicely off each other, and deliver their numbers well. The characters are all brought to life clearly and passionately by the cast, and all got their share of laughs from the audience. But though the vocal performances are uniformly strong, the energy of the performances doesn’t really translate to the choreography of the music, with even the numbers where the extra movement is character relevant not going as far as the other characters’ reactions seem to suggest. No Davidoff Cool Water, no one's gonna want you to form a strong and loving relationship with them that eventually results in the creation of a daughter!"

The second piece, Doggies by Jean McConnell, has more of the air of an extended sketch, but the twenty minutes simply flies by. Simpson directs this time, and the pacing is spot on. real comic talent These lavatory attendants, as they are probably officially known, also offer a range of designer fragrances in the belief this may help male guests attract a mate for the night, and expect to be rewarded with a coin or two for their efforts. And they’re also supposed to make sure nobody does Class A drugs in the cubicles – unless you make friends with them in advance and offer them some. Apparently. No Spray No Lay is a new original musical following the highs (some literal) and lows of a ladies’ club bathroom in 2005, complete with an all-female presenting cast, original bops and a sweaty glittery heap of nostalgia. No Hugo Boss Bottled Intense, no, please, please find me another job, please, I can't keep doing this, do I have to keep doing this, really, what have I done to deserve this, what crimes have I committed, what sins have I stumbled through unknowingly and unwittingly?"They are well drawn in this somewhat minimal, one hour musical, which suffers – partly as a consequence of its brevity – from not having enough of several elements. That said, the maxim of leaving the audience wanting more certainly applies here. Their familiar face, often greeting you with a look of complete disdain as you encourage them and those in the toilet to start yet another reprise of “freshen up your punani” fills you with warmth and a feeling of fellowship, making the toilet a better place to be.

The setting of the ladies toilet in a nightclub is not a new one, of course. Notably, Adura Onashile used it to great effect in her 2016 play Expensive Shit, set in nightclubs in Nigeria and Glasgow. Although more superficial in intent, No Spray No Lay has a similar ability to engage with gender dynamics, the perceptiveness with which it does so, certainly helps the comedy. Here are the cliches of night culture. The girl who won’t listen to her bestie’s advice that she is too good for the boy she is desperately clinging on to. The girl who thinks she is too hot to handle and her frumpy pal who is along to make her look good. The sweaty ravers. And the lightweight who had too much pre-club drink and spends the night slumped in a cubicle. The show follows three groups of girls on a night out; the techno-loving, drug-sneaking Sweaty Girls, pouting and posing besties Crystaal and Sahara, and IT-girl Laura with her disgruntled minion Jane in tow. What could have been a knotted tangle of subplots and stereotypes manages to effectively give us three realistic but different girls’ night outs, with an unpredictable but hilarious crossover pulling all three together for the finale (no spoilers but two words: dance battle). As far as I am aware, this list is absolutely comprehensive, which indicates exactly how constructive my life has been for the last two years. I dedicate it to the Toilet Men of London Town…The whole piece is great fun, performed with no little gusto and devilment, and oozes potential. There is plenty here to make the prospect of its development and return at EdFringe 2024 a welcome one. Some of them are, understandably, miserable as sin. Others, bless them, are a little more upbeat, and before sometimes breaking into full blown chorus, often chant some of the following creative lines to encourage clubbers to wash their hands after touching their penis.