The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

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And it turns out that being able to say ‘no’ is a vital skill for work success. In his new book Great at Work: How Top Performers Work Less and Achieve More, based on a survey of 5,000 employees and managers in which work practices were charted against results, author Morten T. Hansen has distilled the findings into ‘work-smart’ practices. The first step, he found, is to have the courage and discipline to focus on very few key tasks, and go all-in on those. Managers need to become ‘do-less bosses’ who listen to employees when they say that giving them more work is counterproductive. And employees need to get better at saying ‘no’. Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker The aim of all this is to reduce the complexity of my life. Now, I try to work on no more than three projects in a day. Splitting attention between multiple tasks can leave you feeling out of control.

The Joy Of Saying No" sera un excelente libro para aquellas personas que tienden a complacer mucho a los demas, cada uno con sus diferentes razones. Aunque no soy la audiencia objetivo, elegi leer este libro por el hecho de que sentia curiosidad acerca de que piensan las personas complacientes a las que les cuesta decir que no. My workload soon started to get out of hand. I was making so many promises that I couldn’t remember who I was letting down from one day to the next. Every time the phone rang or my inbox pinged, it was another person asking for help or chasing up the help they had already solicited. My wonderful portfolio career, filled with interesting and engaging projects, had turned into a roll call of accusations. All the individual projects seemed to merge into a ball of pain. I realised I had developed a subconscious animosity towards the people for whom I was working. Instead of being clients or colleagues, they had become an annoyance. Lo unico negativo es que lo sentui muy largo, al menos la primera mitad donde se explican los tipos de personas complacientes, muchas partes me parecieron innecesarias, pero aun asi es un libro que puedo llegar a recomendar a personas en especifico. As I became a freelance writer, then a company director, some of the offers became career opportunities. Again, saying yes by default worked like a dream. It put me in rooms I could never have imagined being in and won me contracts I had no right to win. Even having no money was kind of liberating – it meant I couldn’t lose anything.Don’t say, “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. This will just prolong the situation and make you feel even more stressed. Now that we are all adults, we are more mature and capable of making our own choices, as well as knowing the difference between wrong and right. Therefore, no shouldn’t be an off limits word, but rather something that we decide on ourselves, based on our own discretion. Are you still playing a role you learned in childhood to please others, such as the Good Girl/Boy, the Overachiever, or the Helper? Though these kinds of roles may have gained us attention and affection, they prohibited us from becoming our true selves.

There's a lot of wisdom in Natalie's writing, but what was a struggle for me at first was getting through the writing style. I felt earlier on that some of the points could be made with fewer comma'd lists. In the end, this book has taken me nearly 7 months to finish. Podcast Episodes You May Enjoy Chatter & Your Inner Voice – Ethan Kross Everyday Vitality – Dr. Samantha Boardman Plays Well with Others – Eric Barker The Emotional Side of Retiring – Kate Schroeder The Joy of Saying No will help you identify your people-pleasing style and habits. A six-step framework then teaches you how to discover the healing and transformative power of no to:

It’s okay to make mistakes—nobody is perfect, and everybody does things that they regret; this is what makes us human. Her patients tell her, she says, that “they cannot continue living at the pace they’re living at”, but at the same time, they cannot stop – they cannot say no. When she hears these words, Andrew begins thinking about “the core beliefs underneath people’s inability to say no”. When patients describe struggling to refuse to take on extra responsibilities at work, she says there is often an underlying fear that others will think they are not trying hard enough, an underlying fear that they are not good enough. That compulsive “yes” also forms part of a precarious solution to their self-doubt, she says, as, unconsciously: “They use this constant striving to make themselves feel better, to get that buzz from achieving things.” Did you ever wonder why it was so easy to say no when you were a little kid and why it has become so difficult now? What happened?

I’ve recently discovered that it can be really empowering to reply in the negative. Ever tried it? I recommend it. Through profiles of others and candid anecdotes from her own life, Lue explains the various styles of and remedies to people pleasing (i.e., ignoring one’s own needs, wants, feelings, and opinions). She teaches readers how to say No when they’ve always automatically and resentfully said Yes. And, through vivid metaphors, she explains the mind-body connection of stress with greater relatability than can be found in similar works written by experts. Het verhaal kent een heldere opbouw die is opgedeeld in drie delen. In het eerste deel, stelt Natalie Lue de vraag of je een people pleaser bent en wat dat precies inhoudt. Het mooie aan dit deel is dat ze ook haar eigen persoonlijke verhaal deelt als enorme people pleaser waarbij ze zichzelf constant wegcijferde en te veel van zichzelf vroeg. Don’t lie. Lying will most likely lead to guilt—and remember, this is what you are trying to avoid feeling. There’s a trap many people discover when they transition to retirement: saying yes to0 soon or too often. The problem? Your hard-earned freedom can be squeezed by commitments to other people’s needs, not your true priorities. Natalie Lue discusses her new book The Joy of Saying No and the specific challenges faced by people pleasers. She’s found that there are five distinct types, and each one comes with it’s own challenges. What boundaries might be wise to set in 2023? Listen in to my conversation with Natalie Lue for sound advice.It seems it is more complicated to experience “#Jono” than Harding suggests in her book, which is full of sentences such as: “Ditch the guilt.” Reader, at this my laughter was bitter and hollow.

The Joy Of Saying No" will be an excellent book for those people who tend to please others a lot, each with their different reasons. Although I'm not the target audience, I chose to read this book because I was curious about what people pleasers who have a hard time saying no think. Full Book Name: The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You WantIn het derde deel neemt ze je mee door de zes stappen om met plezier nee te leren zeggen. Ook hierin definieert ze weer per stap aan de hand van de type pleaser hoe deze stap het beste genomen kan worden. Ook dit was enorm verhelderend, motiverend en leerzaam. Door de voorbeelden die ze geeft zie ik ook echt de mogelijkheden hoe het gedrag doorbroken kan worden en kan worden veranderd. Wat ook sterk is aan haar verhaal is dat ze ook de kant belicht dat dingen niet ineens lukken en je ongetwijfeld meerdere malen de fout in zal gaan. Ook dit weet ze motiverend te belichten. I am also learning not to talk myself into more work. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should. It is great to be helpful, but there is a value in sitting on your hands and biting your lip. Maurice Mcleod, a writer and local councillor, found that his inability to say “no” caused him serious problems when he went freelance about a decade ago. He took on so many projects and agreed to do so many favours that, he says, he was living with “a constant feeling of unease and panic. Every time the phone rang, I’d think: ‘Oh my God, who’s that, what haven’t I done?’ It was this constant feeling of letting people down.” He took on so much unpaid work that he had to refuse work that was paid, got into debt, and realised the only way out was to just say “no”. She adds: “Assertive communication is about being really clear what your role is and isn’t, so there are clear boundaries – then you know what you should be saying ‘yes’ to and what you can justifiably say ‘no’ to.”