Be Not Afraid of Love: Lessons on Fear, Intimacy and Connection

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Zhu translates the thought-provoking, text-based work they have become known for on Instagram into a book filled with wisdom, imagination, and tips for healing.

I think people receive that so well because it almost feels like I’m saying what feels unarticulated or feels like something that people can’t admit to. Don’t be afraid to defy all those rules you were taught when you were younger—how to be, to feel, to act. be not afraid of love' really encouraged me to honor all of my feelings (discarding the idea of "good" vs. They capture the process of healing with incredible compassion, writing honestly about grief, anger, numbness, and fear, and how community, connection, and ultimately, love are the salve to past traumas. I loved a lot about this book (and it references many texts that I have also loved), but it covers too much ground and strays towards an academic essay too often with definitions, citations etc.So I’m super grateful for Instagram as a platform while at the same time, as with a lot of things we love, boundaries are really necessary. I think now is a time that I was actually ready to use that story, but then also intertwine it with a lot of the other lessons I’ve learned in the past few years, especially being in community, actually living instead of just theorizing my experiences, actually being really present in them, going to monasteries and being on dance floors with my queer families or going through my intergenerational healing process with my mother. I wrote in Be Not Afraid of Love about grief and I actually have to come back to it a lot, because I forget sometimes that, like you said, we are all going through grief on a collective level and also on a personal level.

See, our purpose on this earth is to love and be loved, to let people in, to engage in conversations and commitments and entanglements and love, most importantly, love. He always comes back the next day, drinking the nectar from the marigolds on my windowsill and I observe his flight with admiration. In the aftermath of the traumatic incident, local friends come to their rescue and tend to their wounds.This book is a continuation of that re-learning, exploring the intersections of love and fear in self-esteem, friendship, family dynamics and romantic relationships, and extending out to its effects on society and the greater political realm. Don’t be afraid to care about people, to have feelings, to express emotion, to speak what’s on your heart, or to let people know what they mean to you. I've definitely messed up in my friendships and I've made mistakes, but the fact that I'm still friends with so many of the same people that I was when I first arrived in this country and we still just navigate through loving. I asked Zhu how they would have described the feeling of love five or ten years ago, when they were in the throes of deeply unhealthy dynamics. Perhaps we just want to cry with one another without judgment, or weep by ourselves and know that we can process our grief with somebody we trust.