Men In Love

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Without the Freudian commentary the book as a series of fantasies written by men would have been fascinating, it's a shame that it missed the boat. She is even sympathetic to men who admit (if such a word can be used when apparently the man feels no shame) to regularly raping farm animals in their adolescence, mostly cattle (including calves), and - here's the kicker - she says that most people feel sympathetic towards such behavior. Instead of a range of sexual fantasies from gay men which would be no less fascinating and complex as the fantasies of straight men, we get an essay on the psychological underpinnings of homosexual identity. The "ick" factor is high, and while I consider myself to be fairly open-minded, there are some really deviant, distasteful and downright disturbing fantasies in this book. Here begins one of the most highly charged (and misunderstood) themes in male sexuality: homoerotic emotions.

Nancy Friday established herself as a magazine journalist in New York, England, Italy, and France before turning to writing full time and publishing her first book, My Secret Garden, in 1973, which became a bestseller. I didn't find much of anything in the book to be shocking, or even surprising, although not all of it was my cup of tea (or cup of pee in some cases). It was also disturbing and bewildering to me how the cases of child molestation, and of children having sexual fantasies and having sex with each other, just seemed to be passively accepted by Ms. How must it feel to be the gender that has a sexual organ considered so nasty that nobody, not even the woman who says she loves you, wants to look at it?In the mean time, it gave me and my partner lots to talk about and each conversation was fun if not surprising. Though the author's explanations give the impression of being presumptuous at certain points, nancy tried to be objective in most cases and the book in overall is very riveting. Unfortunately, I couldn't get my guy to read this but I did manage to lend it out to a male friend and I'll be interested to hear his take on the book. This book could be used to stimulate conversation with others about a behavior or fantasy you might like to explore, as a way to normalize thoughts you may hold, or as an erotic read.

Other people who are also reading this book for the psychological insights, for whom it does nothing to read 200 times about Peg A going into Hole B, may want to consider this approach. I guess fantasies are not intended to be judged; but when the so strongly reflect half the population's stance to something as vital as sex? My conclusion is, if you are sensitive and of course a woman and can be slightly envious then just LEAVE this book alone and go for Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden" instead or "Forbidden Flowers" which is more about women's fantasies, then maybe you'll be more prepared and can move on to Men in love. Whether you agree with her methodology or thesis--fantasies are triumph of love over rage-- Men in Love is engaging, eye-opening reading, and not only for its sexual content.

I go back to this book time and time again, not to turn me on, but to give me a deeper understanding of male sexuality.