Relax, you two. Do you really think I would do that to you? How mean do you think I am? But your protestations remind that I need to gag you," Marie said as she went to her "gag and blindfold" stash and took out a pair of old yet clean tights. Our little sis is very wise," Marie said. "Anyway, thanks, it's good to know I'm not totally insane. But I'm really curious about your outfit, Spider-Man," Marie said, looking at Erin. I would feel horrible, hurting a person I cared for, even though I was certain they wouldn’t be able to care for me in the years ahead in the way I needed them to — someone who I suspected, ultimately, wanted different things. How do you justify leaving a perfectly nice relationship, taking a blind chance that there might be something better for you out there — even if you’re right? I like being close to someone," adds Paul. I understand the need for closeness — I'm just not sure why there've got to be ropes involved. Can't you just have a cuddle? Ben, who's been to several classes, explains, "Anna and Fred talk about the rope being an extension of your hands, so if you've got lots of rope, it's like you're giving them the biggest hug." Ben is here with his girlfriend Bella, who adds, "it's like hugs with bruises!" Photo: Anna Bones at Anatomie "Our relationship didn’t need spicing up — it was spicy already!"

As a response to some of the questions people have had, no I wasn’t able to tie up my aunt again. I tried, but it never happened.The night before I left on the cruise, two of my best friends got married. Watching one of my friend’s dads talking at the wedding dinner about how much he loved his daughter and her new wife, I teared up a little and said something to my partner about it: “This is actually pretty nice, huh?” But they wrinkled their nose at me. They’re not a fan of weddings — the pomp and circumstance, the big, grand displays of public affection. Brittney (name changed) was my favorite babysitter when I was a kid. I was, give or take around 13. She babysat for me and my sister at least once a month, and she babysat us at least twice before I got up the nerve to tie her up. I actively choose to identify as a lesbian and a dyke, as well as a queer. I have found love and community unlike anything else I’ve ever known in what still exists of lesbian culture, despite all external (and, TERF-wise, internal) attempts to exterminate it: the art, the literature, the physical spaces. Plus, most importantly (and most obviously), the word “lesbian” quite literally describes what I am: a woman who loves women in both a feminist way and a super-gay way.

No, it's just right!" Amanda replied. "There's no way I can escape this - you are going to untie me later, right?" Marie, forget about me for a second! What happened? Were we robbed? Oh my god, you're handcuffed! I'll never get those off! I'll call the police." she said frantically as she started to reach for Marie's cellphone. I would tell my partner that I cared about them deeply, and the past five years were among the best of my life. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. But I also felt like we had come to a crossroads, and we weren’t facing the same futures. I had tried so hard to see myself in their dreams, but now I was having dreams of my own. And I didn’t think I saw a future, even a part-time one, in Montana. Shibari is, "geeky, very brainy, and it can be very intellectual," says Anna, who discovered it five years ago, towards the end of her PhD at UCL. "I was looking online for kinky activities and I found this event called Peer Rope London. I fell head over heels for it!Then somehow, all of a sudden, years passed. We became two professionals in our late twenties, living in our dream apartment on the top floor of a Brooklyn brownstone. We weren’t allowed to have pets, but, like good millennials, we had plenty of plants, and interests outside of each other: my roller derby, their ultramarathons. We were busy, stable. Happy enough.

I was hesitant for a couple reasons. The first was that they’d slept with someone else, just once, when they were on a solo vacation, before we’d agreed to any sort of open-relationship terms; I felt like they’d forced my hand. (It’s hard for me even now to say they cheated on me, though that’s precisely what they did.) The second reason was that I’d watched some of my friends in long-term relationships experiment with nonmonogamy, only for the experiment to end in disaster: Somebody, inevitably, fell for somebody else. How's that? Is it too tight?" Marie asked as she cut the end of the tape and pressed the end firmly down on Erin's arm-wrappings. I tried to tell myself that lesbian bed death isn’t real, all the while heartily blaming myself for our increasingly diminished sex life. I was the one who never really felt like initiating, or at least not with anywhere near the regularity we’d had as a hormone-crazed new couple. I assumed, at best, that all passions cool somewhat over the years; at worst, I thought something might be wrong with me.Two teenage boys are arrested for alleged misogynistic chanting aimed at referee Rebecca Welch during Birmingham City's match against Sheffield Wednesday

I was going to wear these one more time before putting them in my 'gag and blindfold pile'. They're getting pretty old. But I just thought of a use for them," Marie said as she started to cut the legs off of the pair of tights. Ellie, who's 41, is here for the first time. She tells me later, "I enjoyed being tied up — I liked the sense of touch, and squeezing, and the rope brushing past my skin." She also enjoyed tying her partner, another woman she met that night. She explains, "I want to learn the skills and technique, so I can tie other people, so they can experience it as well." Paul also identifies as a switch. He tells me he liked being tied because, "I like being touched gently," and he enjoyed the tying because, "I like the artistic side of the knots." Photo: Bones and Rope It overwhelmed me, just then, the sudden force of my wanting. I wanted my own big, strong butch. Someone who wasn’t looking for someone to help them grow, because they’ve done most of their growing already. In that case. Don’t go anywhere.” And I left her there. I announced to my sister that my captive was tied up and the game began again. This time if my sister got to my prisoner and tagged her she was released and the game continued, but if she got me, the game was over.

"I'm pansexual. That means I'll fuck anyone"

Ben and Bella also switch, "we take turns to practise on each other. That's the best part," says Ben, "especially today. I was tired and stressed, but now that's disappeared." It was Ben who saw a friend's shibari snap on Facebook. "It looked like something you could nerd out on, that would be fun to learn together as an alternative to movie night." How has it impacted their relationship? "It's improved it, in that we've got more to do — but our relationship didn't need rescuing," says Ben, "it didn’t need spicing up — it was spicy already!" I ask Bella if shibari turns her on. She says, "for me it's more a sensual thing — the sensations on your skin, the intimacy you can have with your partner." She adds that she finds the studio calming, echoing Ben who's, "glad it's not a dungeon." Afterward, I had lunch with Dana and some of the other Olivia staffers and asked them about it — why not make the Public Posts more prominent, MichFest style? Especially since the younger people at the first Gen O event had explicitly asked for more sex content. Olivia had run sexuality and intimacy workshops before, and at the lunch, the staffers floated the definite possibility that they will again. I know for a fact that a lot of my queer friends would be way more likely to book a future Olivia cruise, uncool as cruises might be to cash-strapped millennials, if they knew how likely they’d be to get some action. At dinner, we wondered why we couldn’t have both: explicitly lesbian spaces that also explicitly love, and welcome, trans and gender-nonconforming people. Our identities shouldn’t be opposed, but in communion with each other: butch and femme, trans and cis, lesbian and queer.