Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual fluidity: Understanding women’s love and desire. Harvard University Press.

Possibly because it's the middle of the pandemic, and my reading brain isn't as sharp, but the beginning chapters of the book were a little dry and hard for me to get into. However, the middle and ending were both more readable, and helpful.Fern critiques the prevailing assumption that healthy relationships are dyadic by in the field of attachment theory, and that behaviours out of the monogamous model is associated with insecure attachment styles. She additionally proposes that monogamous relationships may rely on the relationship structure rather than secure attachment to function. Henrich, R., & Trawinski, C. (2016). Social and therapeutic challenges facing polyamorous clients. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 31(3), 376–390. Ten Brink, S., Coppens, V., Huys, W., & Morrens, M. (2021). The psychology of kink: A survey study into the relationships of trauma and attachment style with BDSM interests. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 18(1), 1–12. Kolmes, K., & Witherspoon, R. G. (2017). Therapy with a consensually nonmonogamous couple. Journal of Clinical Psychology. in Session, 73(8), 954–964. All products are fully recyclable and as a responsible supplier we will discuss with you your design and as part of our

Blakely, T. J., & Dziodosz, G. M. (2015). Application of attachment theory in clinical social work. Health and Social Work, 40(4), 283–289.Landolt, M., et al. (2004). Gender nonconformity, childhood rejection, and adult attachment: A study of gay men. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 33(2), 117–128. Dr. Ian Jenkins and his partners, Jeremy Hodges and Dr. Alan Mayfield—a polyamorous throuple—made history when they became the first family in California to list three parents on a birth certificate. This month, Jenkins published a book about their journey to parenthood, Three Dads and a Baby (Cleis Press). As Fern argues throughout her book, polyamory can also reveal how optional attachment is to successful relationships. In consensual non-monogamy, you can have sex and friendship without attachment—as I did with my friend—and there’s nothing wrong with that kind of relationship. You can also have attachment without sex in a romantic relationship without anyone feeling a deficit. If one or both of the partners still want sexual connections, they’re ideally free to pursue them. Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. In light of Fern’s book, it was funny for me to re-read the part of my journal that covers the time when I pair-bonded with my other partner Angela, with whom I’ve also developed an attachment. In my recording of events, I was watching Michelle watching me watching Angela. What I was really watching, I realized on reading Polysecure, was our attachment: As I opened myself to feeling connected and secure with Angela, I didn’t want to damage the attachment I had with Michelle.

Barker, M. (2011). Monogamies and non-monogamies: A response to “The challenge of monogamy: Bringing it out of the closet and into the treatment room” by Marianne Brandon. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 26(3), 281–287.I always like to say that polyamory is the ability to have different kinds of relationships—and Fern’s book taught me that secure emotional attachment doesn’t need to be a part of every one of them. How to cultivate attachment Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you're striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Four stars, adding a half because of the final section on secure attachment with Self, and rounding up to five because so much of it hit home so aptly. Much of this is material I know; but like all such, I just need to be reminded sometimes, or to see things a different way. And the clincher: I finished the book, and am writing this, one day after performing my every-year-or-two psychedelic tune-up, this time a solo ritual in the mountains with the intention (chosen months before even starting this book) of exploring my self-love. The final sections, which I read today, are giving me tools to work with.